WhatsApp and the nine kinds of friends it brings!

Once what was the case with emails, has now gone mobile. And if you think I’m speaking about what a blessing the smart phone is, well it’s not. I’m talking about those constantly pinging WhatsApp messages, that make you look at the phone in anticipation – hoping it is that important client confirming a meeting while it’s someone sending some piece of nonsensical data that only deserves to be deleted. I’m talking about the nine kinds of ‘friends’ we all have on WhatsApp. This post is for you and for the messages I DON’T want to receive – not today, not tomorrow, not in the new year and not if it foretells bad luck for me if I don’t forward.

The well-wisher

I have really not found any purpose or meaning in why anyone would spend their precious morning sending a standard pointless ‘good morning’ with roses message to everyone. For some reason, it makes me think that this sender has nothing more constructive to do at 5AM. So, hey sender, if you don’t want to get put on mute, then please stop sending such messages, and use that time for yoga instead.

The acronym speaker

Me: Coach, it’s already 6PM and I’ll be late by half an hour, just wanted to make sure you’ll be there when I come. So, should I come at 7PM or should I come tomorrow?
Coach:

R u gr8. Y u 8. It may seem magical to you that the English alphabet actually has words in its letters, but really using them as such, can make any sane person go crazy trying to decode them. Replying with a ‘k’, and giving the grammar a complete miss can really frustrate the Grammar Nazis. Type in complete words and if you don’t have the time, leave a voice message, or I may brk ur hd.

Newly WhatsApping rishtedaar

NWR: How is your mother doing?
Me: Fine aunty
NWR: Good to hear. How’s your father doing?
Me: Doing good?
NWR: And your sister?

With high energy levels and lack of better things to do, these relatives will send you the strangest of forwards, random religious messages and enquire about the welfare of everyone in the family. They can also get nosy at times and enquire about why you were awake at 2AM, because your ‘last seen at’ shows that time.

Emoticon atyachaari

How are you?
Can we meet for lunch?
Yes or no?

These are the kinds who answer all your questions with emoticons, so much so that you begin wondering whether they really can speak or type at all. They will bug and frustrate you by sending rows of emojis that when put together make no sense at all.

The sales type

Seller: ‘Medem…gm …I sell ghagras. You like dezins whatsapp me.
Me: No, thanks. I don’t wear ghagras.
Seller: Plz mem…v nice. I will come and show.

Another definite way of getting blocked on WhatsApp is by sharing all the stuff you want to sell. And then pestering non-suspecting buyers till they’re forced to block you.

The information overloader

These guys have so much to share, that they can overwhelm both you and your phone. The hundreds of photos they keep sharing with you could range on any topic, their selfies, food or pictures of their dog. Often leading the phone to crash, these senders are dangerous to the health of your phone.

The stalkers

Then there are the stalkers, who will mark your every DP change, every status update and every message. They’ll message you every chance they get, just to let you know how pink suits you best, and how this particular shade is better than the one you were wearing 5 DPs ago. How creepy!

The Fraandly ones

Please be my fraand. I like your DP. Are the first ones to get blocked on WhatsApp and it always surprises me that these creepier people are still trying to make friends this way.

The chain messengers

And last but not the least are the ones who keep sending you sad pictures and long texts that end with words like ‘share’ and ‘forward’ or the sky will fall on your heads. Well it hasn’t, has it?